Thursday, October 23, 2008

Bible Rules to follow

So Leviticus is where the whole rule of being homosexual is an abomination. Here are some other rules that Jesus wants you to follow:


7: They shall not take a wife that is a whore, or profane; neither shall they take a woman put away from her husband: for he is holy unto his God. (Don't take a slut as your wife)

13: And he shall take a wife in her virginity. 14: A widow, or a divorced woman, or profane, or an harlot, these shall he not take: but he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife. (Your wife NEEDS to be a virgin.. so the next time a guy wants sex with me before marriage, I will know he doesn't want anything long term with me)

6: And the hare, because he cheweth the cud, but divideth not the hoof; he is unclean unto you. (don't eat rabbit?)

10: And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you: 11: They shall be even an abomination unto you; ye shall not eat of their flesh, but ye shall have their carcases in abomination. (Don't eat shell fish... you'll go straight to hell along with the gays)

44: Both thy bondmen, and thy bondmaids, which thou shalt have, shall be of the heathen that are round about you; of them shall ye buy bondmen and bondmaids. 45: Moreover of the children of the strangers that do sojourn among you, of them shall ye buy, and of their families that are with you, which they begat in your land: and they shall be your possession. (You can have slaves, as long as they are purchased by a neighbouring nation.. meaning we can own Americans.. Sweet!)

19: Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee. (Do not wear cotton/polyester blend, or a blend of any two garments.. fashion faux pas!)

27: Ye shall not round the corners of your heads, neither shalt thou mar the corners of thy beard. (You better have side burns!)


"If a man sells his daughter as a female slave, she is not to go free as the male slaves do." (So I can sell my kids?)

"For six days work may be done, but on the seventh day you shall have a holy day, a sabbath of complete rest to the LORD; whoever does any work on it shall be put to death." (Kill whoever works or forces people to work on Sundays)

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